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E-Mail this Joke to a friend! A man is walking past this house when a used condom comes flying out of the second story window and lands squarely on his head. Rather disgusted and absolutely furious, he goes up to the front door and starts pounding on it. An elderly man opens it and asks him what caused him to knock solidly. The passerby asks, "Who's in your upstairs room?" The elderly man replies, "I can't see how it's any of your business. Since, you must know, my daughter and intended son-in-law are upstairs." The passerby hands him the used condom and says, "Well, I just wanted you to know that your intended grandchild fell out the window! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Did you hear about the girl who was fired from her job in a sperm bank after she became pregnant. They discovered she'd been embezzling. ~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear about the freshman coed who decided not to sign up for a course in sex education when she heard the final exam would be oral. ~~~~~~~~~~ Did you hear about the meanest man in the world didn't tell his wife he was sterile until she got pregnant. <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> A couple tried for a while to conceive a child but had no luck. So, they went to the doctor. The doctor advised them to continue trying on their own, but they were sure there was a clinical reason for infertility. So the doctor examined the woman, ran a few tests, and determined she could in fact get pregnant. The doctor then wanted a sperm sample from the man. He gave the couple a sealed sterile jar, and sent them into the exam room for an hour, and it was time for the clinic to close when the couple came out. They looked very embarrassed, and produced an empty jar. The doctor looked at the jar, looked at the couple, and asked if there was some problem. The man looked at the ground and said, "Well, doc, I hate to admit I had a problem with this. I tried, but my hands are really tired. I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand, I tried with both hands, nothing. So my wife tried to help me, and then she tried with her left hand, and tried with her right hand, she pulled and pulled, but it just didn't help. Then we found some Vaseline in a cabinet. She rubbed it really good under the edge but that didn't help either. She tried using her mouth, but after trying that for a while, she just ended up with a sore jaw. We couldn't figure out what else to do, so we came out here. The doctor said. "Do you often have a problem with impotence?" The man said, Impotence!? Hell no! We couldn't get the damn jar open!! <><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><> Three worst Chinese torture tests A man is out in the Chinese wilderness and he's hopelessly lost. It's been nearly three weeks since he's eaten anything besides what he could forage and he's been reduced to sleeping in caves and under trees. One afternoon he comes upon an old mansion in the woods. It has vines covering most of it and the man can't see any other buildings in the area. However, he sees smoke coming out of the chimney implying someone is home. He knocks on the door and an old man answers, with a beard almost down to the ground. The old man squints his eyes and says "What do you want?" The man says "I've been lost for the past three weeks and haven't had a decent meal or sleep since that time. I would be most gracious if I could have a meal and sleep in your house for tonight" The old Chinese man says "I'll let you come in on one condition:You cannot mess around with my granddaughter" The man, exhausted and hungry readily agrees, saying "I promise I won't cause you any trouble. I'll be on my way tomorrow morning" The old Chinese man counters "OK, but if I do catch you then I'll give you the three worst Chinese torture tests ever known to man." "OK, Ok" the man said as he entered the old house. Besides, he thought to himself, what kind of woman would live out in the wilderness all her life? Well, that night, when the man came down to eat (after showering),he saw how beautiful the granddaughter was. She was an absolute pearl, and while he had only been lost three weeks, it had been many,many months without companionship. And the girl had only seen the occasional monk besides her grandfather and well, they both couldn't keep their eyes off each other throughout the meal. That night, the man snuck into the girls' bedroom and they had quite a time, but had kept the noise down to a minimum. The man crept back to his room later that night thinking to himself, "Any three torture tests would be worth it after that experience." Well, the next morning the man awoke to a heavy weight on his chest. He opened his eyes and there was this huge rock on his chest. On the rock was a sign saying "1st Chinese torture test: 100 LB rock on your chest". "What a lame torture test" the man thought to himself as he got up and walked over to the window. He opened the shutter and threw the rock out. On the backside of the rock is another sign saying "2nd worst Chinese torture test: Rock tied to right testicle". The man, seeing the rock was too far out the window to be grabbed, jumps out the window after the rock. Outside the window is a third sign saying "3rd worst Chinese torture test: Left testicle tied to bedpost".
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