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Little Red Riding Hood was getting ready to go and visit her grandmother in the forest and her mother said: "You'd better not go out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because the big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do; He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off. But Little Red Riding Hood pulled out a shotgun and said:"Don't worry Mum, I've got it covered." So she was walking through the forest when she came across the three little pigs. One of them ran out of the brick house and said "You shouldn't be out tonight Little Red Riding Hood! The big bad wolf's out and you know what he'll do if he catches you." "He'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off." So she pulled out the shotgun and said: "Don't worry boys, I Got it covered!" As she continued through the forest she came across the big bad wolf and he said: "You shouldn't have come out tonight Little Red Riding Hood because you know what I'm going to do. I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and screw your little red socks off." So she lifted up her little red dress, pulled down her little red panties, lay down on her back with her legs apart, pointed the shotgun at him and said "NO! You're going to eat me like the book says." =================================================================== Top 10 Things I Wonder About (10) If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did MRS. HOWELL have so many clothes? (9) Do infants have as much fun in their infancy as adults do in adultery? (8) What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way? (7) Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of. (6) Why do we wash BATH TOWELS, aren't we clean when we use them? (5) Why do we put SUITS in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase? (4) Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? (3) Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it? (2) What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious? And The #1 Thing I Wonder About... (1) How come SUPERMAN could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him? ===================================================================== Boot camp. Duluth, Minnesota. February. Six A.M. Six below zero. The Sergeant bellows "Outta those bunks! Birthday suit inspection! I want you *@$&*s$% to fall in outside, NOW! Buck nekkid! Stand close enough to make the man in front of you smile! MOVE, YOU #@$&*s!" The barracks quickly empty, the men fall in and shiver at attention. The Sergeant hollers "LOOSEN RANKS!" The ranks separate a bit. The Captain approaches, carrying a swagger stick. With the stick, he swats one of the men across the chest. "Did that hurt, Mister?" the Captain demands. "No, SIR!" the recruit shouts. "Why not?" barks the Captain. "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!" The Captain nods, and moves on down the front rank a bit. He whacks another man across the butt. "Did that hurt, Mister?" "No, SIR!" "Why not?" "Because I'm a U.S. Marine, SIR!" Satisfied, the Captain continues on down the rank. He notices that one of the men is sporting a huge erection, and brings his stick down sharply on the proffered target. "Did that hurt, Mister?" "No, SIR!" "Why not?" "Because it belongs to the fellow behind me, SIR!" ======================================================

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