The 5 Stages Of Drunkenness
Stage 1 - SMART
This is when you suddenly become an expert on
every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything
and want to passon your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At
this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are
talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument
when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realize that you are the BEST
LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can
go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and
really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART,
so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest
person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because
you have an armored truck full of money parked behind the bar. You
can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are
still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't
matter how much you bet because you are RICH. You will also buy
drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the
BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and
everyone especially those with whom you have been betting
or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point
you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and
challenge them to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of
losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and
hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this
point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on
a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest
of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also
invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk
through the street singing at the top of your lungs because
no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART
you know all the words.
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