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Perfect day for a Woman 8:15 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 8:30 Weigh 5 lbs. lighter than yesterday. 8:45 Breakfast in bed, fresh squeezed orange juice and croissants. 9:15 Soothing hot bath with fragrant lilac bath oil. 10:00 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 10:30 Facial, manicure, shampoo, and comb out. 12:00 Lunch with best friend at an outdoor cafe. 12:45 Notice ex-boyfriend's wife, she has gained 30 lbs. 13:00 Shopping with friends. 14:00 Nap. 16:00 A dozen roses delivered by florist. Card is from a secret admirer. 16:15 Light workout at club followed by a gentle massage. 17:30 Pick outfit for dinner. Primp before mirror. 19:30 Candlelight dinner for two followed by dancing. 22:00 Hot shower. Alone. 22:30 Make love. 23:00 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 23:15 Fall asleep in his big, strong arms. Perfect Day for a Man 6:00 Alarm. 6:15 Blowjob. 6:30 Massive dump while reading the sports section of USA Today. 7:00 Breakfast. Filet Mignon, eggs, toast and coffee. 7:30 Limo arrives. 7:45 Bloody Mary en route to airport. 8:15 Private jet to Augusta, Georgia. 9:30 Limo to Augusta National Golf Club. 9:45 Play front nine at Augusta, finish 2 under par. 11:45 Lunch. 2 dozen oysters on the half shell. 3 Heinekens. 12:15 Blowjob. 12:30 Play back nine at Augusta, finish 4 under par. 14:15 Limo back to airport. Drink 2 Bombay martinis. 14:30 Private jet to Nassau, Bahamas. Nap. 15:15 Late afternoon fishing excursion with topless female crew. 16:30 Catch world record light tackle marlin - 1249 lbs. 17:00 Jet back home. En route, get massage from naked Kathy Ireland. 19:00 Watch CNN Newsflash. Clinton resigns. 19:30 Dinner. Lobster appetizers, 1963 Dom Perignon, 20 0z. New York strip. 21:00 Relax after dinner with 1789 Augler Cognac and Cohiba Cuban cigar. 22:00 Have sex with twin 21 year-old nymphomaniacs. 23:00 Massage and Jacuzzi. 23:45 Go to bed. 23:50 Let loose a 12 second, 4 octave fart. Watch the dog leave the room. 23:55 Laugh yourself to sleep.
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