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This is the best of the best from the week of 10-17-1999 Men and Women Board. What is a Dog ? 1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They are great at begging. 8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. 9. They leave their toys everywhere. 10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They're little men in fur coats... The NAUGHTY board! Paying On Time The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, "Just how much is that watch?" "It's $2000, ma'am." "Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it?" "Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind?" "I was thinking two times a week for the next two months." The NICE board! Talking Dog A salesman dropped in to see a business customer. Not a soul was in the office except a big dog emptying wastebaskets. The salesman stared at the animal, wondering if his imagination could be playing tricks on him. The dog looked up and said, "Don't be surprised. This is just part of my job." "Incredible!" exclaimed the man. "I can't believe it! Does your boss know what a prize he has in you? An animal that can talk!" "No, no," pleaded the dog. "Please don't! If that man finds out I can talk, he make me answer the phone as well!" The Golf - Sports Board. Political Board. Bill Clinton On one sunday afternoon, Bill Clinton and the Pope meet in rome. They were having a political conversation when they both got shot and died. The Pope went to hell and Clinton went to heaven. When the Pope realized that they had did a mistake, he asked if it would be possible to change place. So as he was going up the alavator he was praying to see the Virgin Mary. Clinton happend to pass by and heard what the Pope said and replied:" Oh she's not a virgin anymore." The General Humor Board. Three Little Pigs Once upon a time, there were three little pigs. The first little pig walked into a bar and said, "Give me five beers." When he was done, he asked, "Where's the bathroom?" "Down the hall and to the left," replied the bartender. The second little pig walked into the bar and asked, "How many beers did my brother have?" "Five." "Then I'll have ten." When he was done, he asked, "Where's the bathroom?" "Down the hall and to the left," replied the bartender. The third little pig walked into the bar and asked, "How many beers did my brothers have?" "The first one had five, and the second one had ten." "Then I'll have fifteen." When he was done, he started eating the peanuts on the bar. The bartender asked, "Aren't you going to ask where the bathroom is?'" "No," said the little pig. "I'm the little pig that goes wee-wee-wee all the way home." The Every Day Life Board. The Angle of the Cut Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, "I'll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio." "Why, that's right!" said the second man in surprise. "And I'll bet you were circumcised when you were three days old." "Right again. But how'd you --" "And I'll bet it was done by old Doc Steadman." "Well, yes, but how did you know!?" asked the second man in amazement. "Well, old Doc always cut them at a 60-degree angle," explained the first guy, "and you're pissing on my shoe."

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