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This is the best of the best from the week of 11-28-1999

A real Groaner

Once upon a time, a pair of twins, Amal and Juan, were born
to a poor family. Due to their extreme poverty, the boy's
parents put them up for adoption. But they never stopped
loving them. Years later, curiosity overcame Juan. He
tracked down the identity of his biological parents and
sent them a long letter describing his life. He also included
a photograph. " This makes me so happy," his mother told
her husband. I just love looking at Juan's picture. I wish
Amal would sent me a photograph of himself.
I don't know what difference that would make," the father
replied. "When you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal"


Big Moe decided he was going to get some action one Saturday
night. Being new in town, he asked around to find out the
best place to get screwed. The guys at the bar kindly direct
him to the local house of ill repute.

Once there, he goes upstairs, pounds on the door, and shouts,
"This is Big Moe, and Big Moe wants to get screwed!"

For a minute there is silence, and then a lady yells out,
"OK, slide a hundred dollars under the door!"

Big Moe slides his money under the door and waits. And waits.
And waits. Finally, he gets tired of waiting and yells, "This
is Big Moe, and Big Moe wants to get screwed!"

From inside the lady yells, "What! Again?"


A few days before Christmas, a man enters a pet store looking for a
Unique gift for his wife. The manager tells him he has just what he's looking for!

A beautiful parrot named Chet that sings Christmas Carols. He brings the
husband over to a colorful but quiet bird. The man agrees that Chet
certainly is pretty, but he doesn't seem to be much for singing.

The manager tells him to watch as he reaches into his pocket and pulls
out a lighter. The pet store manager lights the lighter and holds it under
Chet's left foot. Immediately Chet starts singing; "Silent Night".

The man becomes very impressed with Chet's singing abilities and watches
As the manager moves the lighter underneath Chet's right foot. Chet now
Starts singing "Jingle Bells" The man says that Chet is perfect and that he'll
take him.

He rushes home to his wife, and insists upon giving her this wonderful
Gift immediately. He presents Chet and starts to explain his special talent.
Demonstrating, he holds a lighter under Chet's left foot and the bird
Sings "Silent Night" again. He then moves the lighter under Chet's right foot
And again Chet lets loose with a round of "Jingle Bells."

The wife is terribly impressed, and with a mischievous grin, asks her
husband what happens if he holds the lighter between Chet's legs
Curious the husband moves the lit lighter between the bird's legs, and
The bird begins to sing -------

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are you ready....

are you sure....

"Chet's Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire!"


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