This is the best of the best from the week of 9-26-1999
Men and Women Board.
Which is your favourite Teletubbie
The following test was developed by a combination of top U.S. and
European psychologists. The results are extremely
accurate in describing your personality with one simple question.
Which is your favourite Teletubbie:
A.Yellow
B.Purple
C.Green
D.Red
DECIDE BEFORE SCROLLING DOWN
Profile for women...
A. If you chose the Yellow Teletubbie. You are bubbly and cheerful.
People come to you when troubled because you
always make them feel better about themselves. You are apt to clash with
Red Teletubbie people.
B. If you chose the Purple Teletubbie. You are active and erratic. You
have many ideas and set high standards for
yourselves and others. Stay away from Green Teletubbie people, they tend
to bring you down.
C. If you chose the Green Teletubbie. You are calm and reliable. Family
plays a major role in your life and you often sacrifice
your needs to please others. Yellow Teletubbie people are a good match
for you.
D.If you chose the Red Teletubbie. You are bold and emotional. You are
fierce in your opinions and quick to anger, but stick
by your friends through thick and thin. Purple and Red Teletubbie people
are an explosive combination.
Profile for men.............
A.If you chose the Yellow Teletubbie. You are gay.
B.If you chose the Purple Teletubbie. You are gay
C.If you chose the Green Teletubbie. You are gay.
D.If you chose the Red Teletubbie. You are gay.
The NAUGHTY board!
school daze
One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that
someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the
blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding
none, she rubbed the word off and began class.
The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time
it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around
in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.
Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found
the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger
than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end
of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same
word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the
bigger it gets."
The NICE board!
New Shoes
An Army Ranger was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana and he
wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but
was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of
one of the shopkeepers, the Ranger shouted, "maybe I'll just go out and
get my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes made at a reasonable
price!"
The vendor said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you will run
into a couple of Marines who were in here earlier saying the
same thing."
So the Ranger headed into the bayou that same day and a few
hours later came upon two men standing waist deep in the water.
He thought,"those must be the two Marines the guy in town
was talking about."
Just then, the Ranger saw a tremendously long gator swimming
rapidly underwater towards one of the Marines. Just as the
gator was about to attack, the Marine grabbed its neck with
both hands and strangled it to death with very little effort.
Then both Marines dragged it on shore and flipped it on its back.
Lying nearby were several more of the creatures.
One of the Marines then exclaimed, "Nuts! This one doesn't
have any shoes either!"
The RedNeck Board.
The Patch
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the
road drinking a couple of bottles of Bud. The passenger,
Bubba, said "lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a poll-ice roadblock!!
We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!!"
Don't worry, Bubba", Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish
drinkin' these beers, peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads,
and throw the bottles under the seat".
"What fer?", asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?", said
Earl. Well, they finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under
the seat,and each put a label on their forehead. When they reached
the roadblock, the sheriff said, "You boys been drinkin'?"
"No,sir", said Earl. "We're on the patch".
The Golf - Sports Board.
10 Reasons Why Hockey Is Better Than Sex
1. It's legal to play hockey professionally.
2. The puck is always hard.
3. Protective equipment is reusable and you don't
even have to wash it.
4. It lasts a full hour.
5. You know you're finished when the buzzer sounds.
6. Your parents cheer when you score.
7. Periods only last 20 minutes.
8. You can count on it at least twice a week.
9. You can tell your friends about it afterwards.
10. A two-on-one or three-on-one is not uncommon.
The Political Humor Board.
Bill Clinton's favorite pick-up line...
"I'd love to meat you in the Oval Office."
The General Humor Board.
A Good Irish Joke
Three English men were in a bar and spotted an Irishman.
One guy said he was going to piss him off. He walked over to
the Irishman and tapped him on the shoulder. "Hey, I hear
your St. Patrick was a faggot."
"Oh really, hmm, didn't know that."
Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. "I told
him St. Patrick was a faggot and he didn't care!"
"You just don't know how to set him off, watch and learn."
The second Englishman walked over and tapped the Irishman
on the shoulder. "I hear your St.Patrick was a transvestite
faggot!"
"Oh, wow, I didn't know that, thank you."
Shocked beyond belief, the Englishman went back to his
buddies. "You're right. He is unshakable!"
The third Englishman said "No, no, no, I will really piss him
off, you just watch."
The Englishman walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on
the shoulder and said... "I hear your St. Patrick was an
Englishman!"
"Yeah, that's what your buddies were trying to tell me."
The Every Day Life Board.
Lucille?
One of my friends works in the customer service call center of
a national pager company. He deals with the usual complaints
regarding poor pager operation, as well as the occasional crank
caller demanding to be paged less often, more often, or by
more interesting people.
The best call came from a man who repeatedly complained that
he being paged by "Lucille". He was instructed that he would
have to call her and tell her to stop paging him.
"She don't never leave no number, so I can't call her back," he
said. After three such calls, someone thought to ask how he
knew it was Lucille if she didn't leave a number.
"She leaves her name" was the reply.
After establishing that the customer had a numeric-only pager,
the light bulb came on. "How does she spell her name?" the
service rep asked.
"L-O-W C-E-L-L"
