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These are some of the "B" jokes
I have hanging around on my hard drive...
I hope you enjoy em as much as I do bringing them to you...
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Baby Size Man and a woman had been dating for about a year and their relationship was taking a turn towards getting serious. Man proposed and she accepted, however she told him that she wanted him to know that her chest was just like a babys. He said that he loved her and that her measurements didn't matter to him. He also told her that his penis was also like a baby. She said that she loved him and size didn't matter. Come the day of the wedding and all went well. That night the happy couple checked into the honeymoon suite at the resort hotel. The blushing bride was in the bathroom putting on a sexy nightie. Her husband was in the bed waiting. As she entered the bedroom, she reminded him of her confession about her chest being like a baby. "Don't worry honey" he said. She took her night gown off and her breasts were the smallest he had ever seen. He said that he was going to get undressed and reminded her of his confession about his penis being like a baby. As he took his pants off the new bride said "Good God All Mighty. I thought you said your penis was like a baby" "It is" he said "9 pounds and 21 inches long" ---------------------------------- Beware of Welshmen This English gentleman was driving his Roller through wild Wales.... When all of a sudden this chap called Dai (for it was he) jumps out into the middle of the single-track road brandishing a 12 bore shotgun and pointing it directly at Fotherington-Smythe. F-S screeched to halt. A year's worth of rubber on the Roller's tyres burned in a couple of seconds. Dai gestures with the barrel of the gun that F-S should wind down the window. F-S does not feel like arguing. "W....w...what do you want?" asks F-S. "Masturbate!" says Dai. "What? Here and now?" Asks F-S incredulously. "Aye, aye, and be quick about it" replies Dai, waving the barrel of the aged shotgun an inch from F-S' right year. After F-S had filled his hanky he asked "Now what?" "Masturbate!" says Dai. "What? Again?" asks F-S. "Aye, aye, and be quicker about it" replies Dai, waving the barrel of the aged shotgun closer to F-S' right year. Comes the time when F-S asks again "Now what?" "Masturbate!" says Dai. "What? Again?" asks F-S. "Aye, aye, and be quicker again" replies Dai, poking the barrel of the aged shotgun against F-S' earlug. This went on for quite a while until F-S finally implored "I can't. I can't. I've got nothing more to offer. Anything.... anything else, please, don't expect me to do that again for a fortnight..... please ask me to do something else" "Oh. Ok then." says Dai "you can now give my daughter a lift into town...." ---------------------------------- Bill Bill rents an apartment in New York, and goes to the lobby to put his name on the group mailbox. While he was there, an attractive young lady comes out of the apartment next to the mailboxes wearing a robe. Bill smiles at the young girl and she strikes up a conversation with him. As they talk, her robe slips open, and it's quite obvious that he has nothing under the robe. Poor Bill breaks out into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact. After a few minutes, she places her hand on his arm and says, "Let's go in my apartment, I hear someone coming..." He proceeds with her into the apartment, and after she closes the door, she leans against it allowing her robe to fall off completely. Being completely nude, she purrs at him, "What would you say is my best feature?" The flustered, embarrassed Bill stammers, clears his throat several times, and finally squeaks out, "Oh, it's got to be your ears!" She's astounded! "Why my ears? Looks at these breasts! They are full, don't sag, and they're 100% natural! My buns - they are firm and do not sag, and have no cellulite! Look at this skin, no blemishes, or scars! Why in heaven's name would you say my ears are the best part of my body?!" Clearing his throat once again, Bill stammers - "Outside when you said you heard someone coming - That was me!" --------------------------------- Billy the little bastard! Billy, a little bunny rabbit, was hopping down the field, when he met a sheep. Hopping up to the sheep, he said, I'm a little dirty bastard, Who are you? to which the sheep replied - I'm a sheep, and you're not a little dirty bastard, you're a bunny. Billy just shook his head and continued on his merry way, looking at the clouds and smelling the flowers as he hopped along the field. Soon he met a goat. Hopping up to the goat, he said, I'm a little dirty bastard, Who are you? to which the goat replied - I'm a goat, and you're not a little dirty bastard, you're a bunny. Billy just shook his head and continued on his merry way, looking at the clouds and smelling the flowers as he hopped along the field. Then he met a horse. Hopping up to the horse, he said, I'm a little dirty bastard, Who are you? to which the horse replied - I'm a horse, and you're not a little dirty bastard, you're a bunny. Billy just shook his head and continued on his merry way, looking at the clouds and smelling the flowers as he hopped along the field. Eventually, as Billy hopped along, he came across the cutest, prettiest little girl bunny that you have ever met. She knocked his socks off. Billy hoppeds up to her, cleared his throat, and said, I'm a little dirty bastard, who are you. She looked at him, smiled and said, My mane is jane,and I'm a little bunny. What's your name? Why do you say you're a little dirty bastard? Billy said, My names Billy, and I am a little dirty bastard. Everyone says so. Jane turned her pretty little nose up into the air, and said, if you can't talk decently, go away! and so saying she turned around and started to eat some grass. Billy hopped on and shagged like crazy. Jane jumped up and said, Why, you little dirty bastard, whereupon Billy smiled and hopped away. --------------------------------- Blonde One day while on patrol, a police officer pulled over a car for speeding. He went up to the car and asked the driver to roll down her window. The first thing he noticed, besides the nice red sports car, was how hot the driver was! Drop dead blonde, the works. "I've pulled you over for speeding, Ma'am.... could I see your drivers license...?" "...What's a license...???" replied the blonde, instantly giving away the fact that she was as dumb as a stump.. "It's usually in your wallet..." replied the officer. After fumbling for a few minutes, the driver managed to find it. "Now may I see your registration..." asked the cop. "Registration..... what's that.....?" asked the blonde. "It's usually in your glove compartment..." said the cop impatiently. After some more fumbling, she found the registration. "I'll be back in a minute..." said the cop and walked back to his car. The officer phoned into the dispatch to run a check on the woman's license and registration. After a few moments, the dispatcher came back; "Ummm.... is this woman driving a red sports car?" "Yes...." replied the officer "Is she a drop dead gorgeous blonde?" asked the dispatcher "Uh... yes" replied the cop. "Here's what you do...." said the dispatcher. "Give her the stuff back, and drop your pants..." "WHAT!!? I can't do that. Its..... inappropriate..." exclaimed the cop. "Trust me..... just do it...." said the dispatcher. So the cop goes back to the car, gives back the license and registration and drops his pants, just as the dispatcher said. The blonde looks down and sighs..... "Ohh no... not ANOTHER breathalyzer.." --------------------------------- Boy it's Dark in Here! This little boy hid in his parents bedroom closet as he wanted to see what took place in their room when the doors were locked. As he peeked thru the slats of the closet door he saw his mother and her boyfriend going at it. Suddenly the boys father comes home. The wife wisks her boyfriend off into the closet - the same closet her son is in. After several minutes the boy says to the man, "Boy it's dark in here." Shocked, the man just nods his head in agreement. After a few more minutes the boy says "Wanna buy my baseball glove?" The man asks "How much?" In reply the boy says $50. The man agrees. Several more minutes pass when the boy asks the man if he'd like to buy his baseball bat for $50 as well. The man reluctantly agrees. After the father departs, the woman takes her boyfriend out of the closet, and too upset too continue she sends him on his way. The next morning at the breakfast table the little boy pulls out a roll of money and begins counting it. The mother asks "Where did that come from?, to which her son replied "Can't say." The mother asks again and upon his refusal to tell she tells her son to get in the car. The mother takes the boy to church and tells him to get into the confessional and tell the priest where he got the money. When the priest slid the door over the boy said"Boy it's dark in here, to which the priest replied, "Don't start that shit again!" --------------------------------- BREAD There once was this little bread shop not to far from the school. Working behind the counter every day after school was a very voluptuous, nice looking, long legged blond girl. She always wore short skirts and no panties underneath. One day a boy stopped in after school to get some raison bread for his mother on the way home from school. The raisin bread was kept on the top shelf behind the counter so the girl had to climb a ladder to get to it. When the young boy looked up, he was so amazed and thrilled at the sight, he had to tell all of his friends at school. From then on, everyday after school, all of the boys would stop in and get one loaf of raisin bread at a time, day after day after day. It got to be so regular, that the girl just stayed on the ladder until she was sure that all of the boys had gotten their bread. School was cancelled one day so the boys didn't stop by for their bread. Not knowing there was no school, the girl was already at the top of her ladder waiting the arrival of the young boys to buy their raisin bread. In the store cam an elderly man who looked up and noticed the girl on the ladder with no panties underneath. Without looking down, the girls say, "I know, it's raisin right?" To which the man replied, "No, but it sure is a twitchin'" --------------------------------- Broom Factory A young peasant girl of fourteen went to work in a broom factory. After 2 months she gave the boss a two-week notice that she's going to quit. The boss was quite unhappy to let her go since she was hard working, knew her tasks etc. He called her into his office, "But why?" He asked. "Nothin, I just wanna quit that's all." She said sullenly. "Look, I'll give you a rise." "No." She said "You can't just quit like that. There must be a reason. Tell me." "Okay if you must know..." Said the girl, she took off her underwear and point to her pubic hair, "Look I haven't got this before, it's the broom's bristles, I tell you..." Tickled by her innocence, he too took off his underwear and showed his, and said, "Ha ha...my dear it's nature. Look I have it too...." "Oh no!!" The girl cried with a sob, "I can't wait two weeks, I gonna quit now, not only you got the bristles, but you've grown the handle as well."
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