How NOT to rob a bank!
Pick The Right Bank:
You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in
Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no
longer in business and had no money.
Study Your History:
Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield,
Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the towns folk
took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang.
Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the
guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.
Speak To The Right Teller:
One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and
her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape
about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until
authorities arrived.
Don't Sign Your Demand Note:
Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena
issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope
bearing the name and address of another in Detroit. And in East
Hartford, Connecticut, on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the
robber's signature and account number.
Don't Advertise:
A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from
her face by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while
holding up banks.
Go Easy On The Disguise:
One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up,
ran face first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever
to be positively identified by lip-print.
Take Right Turns Only:
Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn into
the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse
and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.
Be Aware Of The Time:
Imagine the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts,
who hit the bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through
downtown North Adams, where he was trapped in rush hour traffic
until police arrived.
Consider Another Line Of Work:
Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI
robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt
pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly.
Be Strong:
Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea,
Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money,
fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His
getaway car parked nearby had the keys locked inside.
