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Q: What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? A: The 1984 Hide and Seek World Champion. Q: How does a blonde kill a fish? A: She drowns it. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you? A: Run like hell....she's got a hand grenade in her mouth. Q: What is the blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears? A: Trying to hold on to a thought. Q: Why did the blonde stare at frozen orange juice can for two hours? A: Because it said 'concentrate'. Q: Why did the blonde bake a chicken for three and a half days? A: It said cook it for half an hour per pound, and she weighed 125. Q: Why did the blonde climb up to the roof of the bar? A: She heard that the drinks were on the house. Q: What's the difference between Elvis and smart blondes? A: Elvis has been sighted. Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A: She peed on her corn flakes. Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side. Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree? A: Wave to her. Q: How does a blonde high-5? A: She smacks herself in the forehead. Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies? A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor. Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory? A: She kept throwing out all the "W"s Q: Why was the blonde disappointed with her trip to England? A: She found out Big Ben is only a clock. Q: Did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank? A: She tied up the safe and blew the guard. Q: How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Blondes screw in back seats, not in lightbulbs, silly. Q: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer? A: There's white-out on the screen. Q: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer? A: There's writing on the white-out. Q: How can you tell when a fax had been sent from a blonde? A: There is a stamp on it. Q: What's the difference between a prostitute, a nymphomaniac, and a blonde? A: The prostitute says "Aren't you done yet?" The nympho says "Are you done already?" The blonde says "Beige...I think I'll paint the ceiling Beige." Q: Why do all blondes have a dimple in their chin and a flat forehead? A: Finger on chin-I don't know. Hits forehead-Oh I get it! Q: Why do blondes have big bellybuttons? A: From dating blonde men. Q: Why do Blondes take the pill? A: So they know what day of the week it is. Q: What do you call a smart blond? A: A golden retriever. Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a hand grenade at you? A: Pull the pin and throw it back. Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence? A: To see what was on the other side. A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!" BLONDE #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?" BLONDE #2: "No, who wrote it?" Did you hear about the blonde mom who kept an icepack on her chest to keep the milk fresh? A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job. In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. Thecontractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!" In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing. In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?" "I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street. Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger: Blonde#1: I can't seem to get this door unlocked! Blonde#2: Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, its starting to rain and the top is down! A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around and drove home. A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?" Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911: Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb. Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb? Blonde: Yes. Operator: The power in the house is on? Blonde: Of course. Operator: And the switch is on? Blonde: Yes, yes. Operator: And the bulb still won't light up? Blonde: No, it's working fine. Operator: Then what's the problem? Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.
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