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Chain Letters 
                       Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly 
                       diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being 
                       kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not Forwarding 
                       out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually 
                       believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in 
                       Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to 
                       have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling 
                       freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and 
                       everyone you send "his" email to $1000?

                       How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a 
                       wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of 
                       fucking bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the 
                       people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain 
                       mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my 
                       apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was 
                       started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget
                       pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in 
                       the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant 
                       stupidity. Fuck them. If you're going to forward something, at least send me 
                       something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your 
                       closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will 
                       somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. 
                       I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're 
                       actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own 


                       Chain Letter Type 1:
                       (scroll down)

                       Make a wish!!!

                       No, really, go on and make one!!!

                       Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!!

                       Wish something else!!!

                       Not that, you pervert!!


                       Wasn't that fun? :)
                       Hope you made a great wish :)

                       Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't 
                       send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad 
                       goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! 
                       Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! 
                       Here's how it goes:

                       *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending 
                       them a stupid chain letter.
                       *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending 
                       them a stupid chain letter.
                       *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending 
                       them a stupid
                       chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
                       *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for 
                       sending them a stupid
                       chain letter and will napalm your house.
                       Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

                       Chain Letter Type 2
                       Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving 
                       little boy in
                       Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. 
                       This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this 
                       on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless 
                       Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and
                       remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is 
                       all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people 
                       in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a
                       reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die 
                       Thanks again!!

                       Chain Letter Type 3

                       Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is 
                       absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as 
                       many sad pricks with nothing better to do.
                       So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 
                       minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:
                       *Bizarre Horror Story #1
                       Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently 
                       received this
                       letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into 
                       the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying 
                       out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could 
                       Happen To You!!!

                       *Bizarre Horror Story #2
                       Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. 
                       Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some 
                       people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to 
                       eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!!
                       Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter 
                       to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay.

                       Chain Letter Type 4
                       As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.
                       Send it to all your friends.


                       A friend is someone who is always at your side.
                       A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your 
                       breath smells like you've been eating catfood.
                       A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full 
                       of assholes.
                       A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself.
                       A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your 
                       sad, sad life.
                       A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you 
                       should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs.
                       A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check 
                       and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning 
                       A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his 
                       wish of being rich to come true.
                       Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again!


                       The point being?
                       If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or 
                       luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. 
                       Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana 
                       with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only 
                       savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, 
                       otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? Now forward this to everyone 
                       that you know otherwise you'll find all your knickers missing tomorrow 

                       2 Chain Letters 
                       posted by: Elizabeth 10/09/99 11:09 
                       HOLY SHIT...my head hurts from laughing...please oh please write another one :) 

                       3 Chain Letters 
                       posted by: Laughing Histerically 10/19/99 21:26 
                       My husband and I were laughing so hard, we almost fell off the couch! This has got
                       to be one of the funniest responses to chain letters we have seen in a long time!


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