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When I was a soldier stationed in Germany from 1983-1986, I was assigned to the 1st Personnel Command in Schwetzingen, Germany. Being in charge of all Army personnel matters, our command would receive all messages relating to the deaths of any Army personnel in Europe. Since I worked on the commander's staff, I would see all these messages coming in since they would become part of his "To Read" file. To this day, I still remember a couple of incidents. A soldier bought a hammock and took it back to his room in the barracks. At that time, most barracks rooms were occupied by at least two soldiers. He got the brilliant idea to string the hammock between two wall lockers. When he laid upon the hammock, he pulled the two wall lockers down upon himself and was crushed to death. ================================= An officer was driving down the Autobahn one night when he got a flat tire. He pulled over to the side, put out his warning triangle, per German traffic laws, and proceeded to change his flat tire. While engaged in this act, the officer looked up and noticed a vehicle (truck?) heading towards him. In a panic, the officer ran around to the other side of his broken-down vehicle, and jumped over the railing to escape injury. Unfortunately, the officer had chosen to pull-over on an overpass, and plunged to his death. ================================= We had set up an accounting system for one of our clients and done some training over a period of a few months. One of the girls was really excited and eager to learn everything about it. One fine day she noticed one of her machines was acting a little strange so she gave me a call... Girl: One of the machines is doing something weird. It keeps beeping and I don't know what to do. Me: Okay, go have a look at the screen and tell me what it says. Girl: Okay (goes away to have a look at what's on the monitor). Okay, the screen is black - it doesn't say anything. Me: It may have a screen saver. Go back and hit a key. Girl: (Goes away again). That didn't do anything. The screen is still black. Me: That's odd. Is the monitor on?? Girl: Let me check. (Comes back some time later - laughing) It was off... Another time she called me and asked if she could run month-end a couple times a week - just to keep things nice and tidy. I said "why do you think it's called MONTH-END??!!!" ================================= Dangerous Games I was contractor working for a company who-shall-remain-nameless as a Windows95 phone technician. Elsewhere in this company they also did hardware phone support. One of the hardware techs received a call from a user with a monitor problem along the lines of "I turn the monitor on, but it doesn't show anything". According to the customer, the monitor's power indicator was on, but there was no image whatsoever. The technician spent well over an hour and a half trouble shooting this issue, including going through every manual they had, and finally gave up. The tech asked the customer if they knew of anything that might have caused the problem. The customer responded with "Well, you see, last night, my husband, he play a submarine game, and he get very angry, and he pull out his gun and shoot monitor". The technician, not quite believing this, verified that there was a large hole in the monitor, then politely informed the customer that "If you [the customer] *ever* call tech support about a piece of hardware that has been shot, you *will* inform the technician of this at the beginning of the call." then hung up. The only thing that kept the technician mostly sane was the thought that customer had been sitting and staring at a live and powered cathode ray tube (or whatever the equivalent is in a monitor) for about 2 hours all told. ================================= [AP, Mammoth Lakes, CA] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth mountain ski area while riding down the slope on a foam pad, authorities said. Matthew David Hubal, 22, was pronounced dead at Centinela Mammoth Hospital. The accident occurred about 3 a.m., the Mono County Sheriff's Department said. Hubal and his friends apparently had hiked up a ski run called Stump Alley and undid some yellow foam protectors from the lift towers, said Lieutenant Mike Donnelly of the Mammoth Lakes Police Department. The pads are used to protect skiers who might hit the towers. The group apparently used the pads to slide down the ski slope and crashed into a tower. It has since been investigated that the tower he hit was the one with its pad removed. ================================= [Associated Press,Kincaid, W. VA] A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, "I'll show you how to set it off." "He put it in his mouth and bit down. It blew all his teeth off, his tongue and his lips," Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesman at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said. ================================= [UPI,Portland, OR] Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the left, a major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skull, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts, "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed but the Josephine County district attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation. ================================= Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter Lauwers, managing partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was ``one of the best and brightest'' members of the 200-man association. ================================= Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog, shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death. ================================= Fort-Worth Star Telegram 1/2/96 Calcutta, India - A tiger killed one man and mauled another at the Calcutta zoo yesterday when they tried to put a marigold garland around its neck in a New Year's greeting. Prakesh Tiwari, the dead man, and Suresh Rai had been drinking before they bought the floral garlands and crossed the moat around the tiger's enclosure, authorities said. "I was shocked to see the two young men weaving about in front of a tiger with garlands in their hands," said Rakesh Banerjee, who witnessed the attack that triggered panic and a near stampede in the zoo. The men, both in their 20's, were trying to put the garland on a 13-year old male Royal Bengal tiger named "Shiva" after the Hindu god of destruction. When Rai threw the garland around Shiva's neck, the tiger attacked him. His friend Tiwari intervened, kicking the tiger in the face. The tiger released Rai, and attacked and killed Tiwari. "I saw it all; the tiger turned and jumped on the other young man and put its head on the man's neck, and within moments, the man was apparently dead, his head dangling, " Banerjee said. observations Alcohol and tigers don't mix. Moats are placed around animal enclosures not only to keep dangerous animals in, but to keep stupid people out. Shiva is an appropriate name for a Royal Bengal tiger. Maybe Shiva was allergic to marigolds. Moral of this story - kicking a tiger, especially one named after a god of destruction, in the face will get you killed. ================================= On February 3, 1990, a Renton (Seattle area) man tried to commit a robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by his lack of a record of violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choice: 1.The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gunshop; 2.The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial fraction of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places; 3.To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked King County Police patrol car parked at the front door; 4.An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having coffee before reporting to duty. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their guns, but didn't fire. No one else was hurt. ================================= "What is the modern world coming to when a gang of thieves arrive at the place they are going to rob in a taxi?" Justice Morris asked the defendants in a robbery case at the Auckland High court. "I despair of the future for our country when a group of louts like you lack the intelligence to take even basic precautions to avoid detection." Before sentencing Singeli Senivuga and Veileba Jobesa (two illegal Fijian immigrants) for their part in the robbery of 5 protective helmets and 400 puncture repair kits from a Mt Eden bicycle shop, Justice Morris continued: "It has been put to me that the reason you were so easily apprehended after the robbery was that you had no getaway car. According to your defence counsel, that is because you forgot to ask the taxi to wait for you while you committed the crime. But even more stupidly, you had telephoned the taxi service in the first place and asked to be picked up at your home, so even if you had got away it would have been a simple matter to locate and arrest you later." The judge then added: "Why couldn't you steal a car beforehand, like everybody else? You tell me it's because you don't have licences, but I preside daily over case involving professional criminals who don't care about such trivial matters. You are imbeciles. I hereby sentence you both to five years imprisonment." ================================= Visit http://www.funnigurl.comfor more like this!!!
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