Welcome To FunniGurl.com
These are some of the "F" jokes I have hanging around on my hard drive...
I hope you enjoy em as much as I do bringing them to you...
---------------------------------
F.B.I.
The FBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to
speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in
and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
"Do you love your wife?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"Do you love your country?"
"Yes I do, sir."
"What do you love more, your wife or your country?"
"My country, sir."
"Okay. We brought in your wife. Take this gun and go into the next
room and kill her."
The man goes into the room, and all is silent for about 5 minutes. He
comes back, with his tie loosened and he is all sweaty. He
puts down the gun and leaves. The second guy comes in and sits down.
The interviewer asks him the same questions, and the
responses are the same. The interviewer gives him a gun, and tells
him to go kill his wife. The guy puts the gun down and says "I
can't do it..."
The third guy comes in, the same thing happens. The interviewer gives
him a gun, and tells him to go kill his wife. The guy goes
into the room, and BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! BLAM! This is
followed by a bunch of crashing sounds that end after a few
minutes.
The guy comes out of the room with his tie loosened, and puts the gun
on the table. The interviewer looks at him and says "What
happened?!?!"
"The gun you gave me was filled with blanks so I had to strangle her!"
---------------------------------
Family History
Jack Schitt is the only son of Aw Schitt the fertilizer king and Oh Schitt,
the owner of Kneedeepin Schitt Inn.
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and they had six kids. Their first little
Schitt, Holy Schitt, passed on shortly after birth.
Next came twin sons, Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt. Then they had two
daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt. Then another son, Bull Schitt.
Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
Dip Schitt married Lotta Schitt and they have one son, Chicken Schitt.
Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt married the Happens brothers.
The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd Schitt and Horse Schitt.
Bill Schitt married an Italian girl, Pisa Schitt and they had a baby named
Hawg Schitt.
They divorced and she remarried a man named Head. She now goes by the name
of Schitt-Head.
If you have read this far and don't know who these people are, you probably
don't know Jack Schitt
---------------------------------
Fly Away
During the Religious Education class, Sister Mary asked the 4th Graders.
"All right class, what part of your body do you think goes to heaven first?
Little Johnny is the 1st one with his hand up! "Doris", says Sister Mary,"
why don't you tell us what YOU think is the first part of your body that goes
to Heaven!"
"Well Sister Mary, I think that it is your hands because when we pray-all
hands are pointing to heaven" A very nice answer-Thank You Doris" says
Sister Mary.
"Who wants to go next?" says Sister Mary. Little Johnny has his hand up first
again! Then Sister mary says "Michael- tell the class what part of your body
goes to Heaven first". "Sister Mary, I think that it is our eyes, whenwe
pray we look at heaven-so it must be the eyes!" "That's another nice
answer-Thank You Michael" Sister Mary comments.
Okay children, we only have time for one more answer. By now Little Johnny is
half standing up and waving his hand high in the air. "All right Johnny, why
don't you tell us what body part YOU feel goes to Heaven first. "It's
definately your feet Sister. There's no doubt about it!"
"Your feet Johnny? I'm afraid that you are going to have to explain THAT one!
remarks Sister Mary.
"Well Sister, when I walked by my Parent's bedroom, their door was open and I
could see in the room real good. My Mother was laying on her back. Her feet
were HIGH in the air. They were higher than her eyes and they were higher
than her hands. And she was yelling "Lord I'm a 'comin!!!!! And she would
have too, if my Dad wasn't holding her down!!!!!
---------------------------------
Fuzzy One
The Reverend John Fuzz was pastor of a small congregation in a little
Pennsylvania town. One day he was walking down Main Street and he
happened to notice a female member of his congregation sitting in the
town bar, drinking beer. The reverend thought this was sinful and not
something a member of his congregation should do, so he walked through
the open door of the bar and sat down next to the woman.
"Mrs. Fitzgerald," the reverend said sternly. "This is no place for a
member of my congregation. Why don't you let me take you home?"
"Shure," she said with a slur, obviously very drunk.
When Mrs. Fitzgerald stood up from the bar, she began to weave back
and forth. The reverend realized that she had had too much to drink
and he grabbed hold of her arms to steady her. When he did, they both
lost their balance and tumbled to the floor. After rolling around for
a few seconds, the reverend wound up lying on top of Mrs. Fitzgerald,
her skirt hiked up to her waist.
The bartender looked over the bar and said, "Here, here, buddy, we
won't have any of that carrying on in this bar."
The reverend looked up at the bartender and said, "But you don't
understand, I'm Pastor Fuzz."
The bartender nodded. "Well if you're that far you may as well finish.."
---------------------------------
