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Yanno'....

Hub complains because i used to go camping with him....
He says that is when i loved him.....when i was young and adored his every word.....
When he said jump...i said how high...

Myself...i don't recall those days...i am thinkin' he has what is commonly known as
convenient memory...i think i have always been somewhat of a pain in the ass
girlfriend...fiance...and finally wife...but somewhere in his conscience....hummmm......

Well he is right about one thing....i used to go camping with him.....

I think about one of the times...in the beautiful state of Washington....down in the
southwest corner.... White Salmon...ummm beautiful country.....the mountains...the
meadows...oH! just magnificent.....

We were on an expedition to hunt down...and kill that ferocious beast...
Bambi....Okay...so we were actually deer hunting....but not being much of a
hunter myself.....well..to be honest...hating the slaughter of cutefurry lil'
creatures...i thought if i went Bambi would be safe for another year....
~*crooked lil'smile....

Yes..Yes...Yes....i am a hipocrit! i know it!...i am not a vegetarian....
i do enjoy a good piece of meat now and again...~*grinz......but i don't
eat anything my Higher Power don't put in a grocery store....and that most
definately includes...Bambi.....
Okay...so we set off on this little adventure, hub, my little brother...oH!
did i forget to mention he came with us? Yes he did! And he was what...about
14 or 15 then?...

Anyway...we set off...two great white hunters...and one little sabateur....
on a quest for that legendary buck that would make the record books...one for
boone and crocket....one that would make other men drool with jealousy.....

We arrived in the rain...It's rains every afternoon yanno'.....the splendor of the
woods....the green...so magnificent.....the rain...not too bad.....a gentle freshening
sprinkle.....that keeps everything alive and growing.....

Hub picked out the place for the tent and proclaimed it the perfect...
ABSOLUTELY PERRRRRRFECT place for the tent.....and indeed it was...flat....
kinda' in a lil'valley thing....hummmm.....had smooth rocks that had to be
moved though.....and i looked around.....ahhhh...yes...yes....it was....

"ah...honey.."...says i....."sugarplum".....trying in vain to get his attention.....
but i knew he was in that place men go before the hunt...."HEY! BOOGERHEAD!....
AIN'T THIS A CREEKBED?".....i said..trying to break through his fugue......

"no...no! no.....perfect place for the tent...creekbed...bahhhhh!"....was his hurried
reply......and so the adventure began......

Brother setting up the tent...me unloading the truck...setting up the campsite...
covering everything to keep it dry......and Hub...lost in the moment....scoping
out the surroundings...looking for sign....anxious for the season to open.....

most things i put in the tent...you know...clothes....food that could be ruined
by the wet...sleeping bags....anything i wanted to protect for the deluge....
because that gentle sprinkle had turned into a real thumper of a storm......

with everything put safely away....and darkness falling we huddled in the
confines of the tent.....our canvas protector from the storm....
umm did you know you can't touch the sides of a canvas tent when it is raining?
it leaks if you do....~*giggles.....yeppers...found that out almost right away....
and moved the supplies i had so carefully tucked against the walls of the tent...
more into the center.....which of course left us....realllllly close......

convinced now of our superiority over the elements......we played some cards i
think....rummy.....which of course hub beat both bro and i senseless.....and we
played into the weeeeeee hours of the morning....then settled in for the rest of
the night.....

Hub and i shared one sleeping bag.....sooo warm...soooo cozy...ummmm...
always loved that part....snuggled close....falling asleep quickly.......

can't breattttttthhhhhhhhh....~*glubbbbbbbubbbbbleglubbbbbbb...
my arms flailing....a weight...heavy...holding me down...into the water!!!....
yelling.....trying to breath.......
GET! OFF! ME!!!....and a muffled reply....."but i'll get wet".....trying to roll....
pushing with all my might...and hearing the ~*SpLaSh as he rolls off!.......

i turn my head...gasping for breath.wondering how much water i might have inhaled...
and see a twinkie float by like a life raft for ants.....there is 6 inches of water
flooding our tent!....in a flash i am out of that soaking wet sleeping bag.....
chilled to the bone...and thinking about the dangers of flash floods.....

hub is yelling....bro is yelling....i think i am the only sane one of the bunch.....
well okay..i might have been yelling tooooooooo....a little....something to the effect....

"YOU TRIED TO DROWN ME!!! YOU TRIED TO DROWN ME!!" and him yelling back.....

"BUT I HAD TO STAY DRY!!! IT WAS WET ON THE FLOOR!! I WAS JUST TRYING TO STAY
DRY....".....and bro yelling....

"HOME!!! I WANNA' GO HOOOOOME!!! I WANNA' GO HOME!!!"....
i was safe in the knowledge that any wild animals within a 10 mile radius
knew we were there....and had headed away from the crazy folk....

after a few hysterical moments.....a calm seemed to settle....that and the
water was now up to mid calf and flowin' swift......

we decided it must be near daylight..did i mention the what the water did
to our watches?..that we could put all the essentials into the truck.....
head into town...find a laundromat...dry our stuff....then the guys could
return to hunt their hearts out.....

it could still be perfect......

so...soaking...dripping... wet....we gathered up the sleeping bags...
made note that the food....most of it anyway....was now just wet mash.....
and clammered into the truck.....anxious to make our way into town...
before the sun rose......

~*awerrrrawerrrrawerrrrrrrr....

funny...but the truck din't start right away.....and it always started
the first try before......

~*awerrrrraweeeeeeerrrerrrrrrerrrrrawerrrrrrr....

nope...just won't catch......and it is starting to make that funny sound.....
you know the one.....the one that says the starter is beginning to drain
the battery.......
okay....fighting back the hysteria......being strong for bro...who is i
know about to lose it......praying hard to hear that engine turn over....


~*aaaahhhherrrrrrraaaaahhhherrrrrrrrrvoooooooom!.....

and off we went.......down the mountain....and we get about...what?
three miles from camp.....and the engine....dies......

dark..oh lord it is dark....bro is now hysterical.....
mumbling over and over...

"let's just go home...let's just go home.....we can leave everything....
come back later to pick it up...let's go home....home..please.....home.....

i remind him we are 150 miles from home and if we leave everything...
chances are we will never get it back......

hub meanwhile is trying to crank the truck again.....and the battery dieing...
as we struggle to maintain.....our sanity.....
the truck was a four speed...and we were on a hill....soooo hub gets out...
pushes......and the truck rolls down the mountain....gaining speed......
gainnnnning....gainnnnnnning.....and i popped the clutch......

~*varooooooooooomchugchugchug........nothing......

hub catches up.....gives the truck another push.....and away we
roll.....again...down....down....faster....faster.....faster..........
popping the clutch......

to make a short story long......we did that almost all the way down the
mountain......push...pop...nothing...push...pop...nothing....HOME! i wanna'
go HOME!.....and my bro agreeing with me.......

then we came to a little hill....one that went up......hub had to push
that truck uP that hill...and by then...i am thinkin'....of bush beasts....
nasty night creatures....and all sorts of scarey... stuck in a dark forest...
Deliverance.... kinda' thoughts....

The truck finally starts.......a terrible chugging kinda' starts......
and we drive slowly...back down into town..........

we notice right away.....the bars are still open.....

i mean we gauge it to be like close to 6 am....and the bars are still open...
go figure, huh? they keep the bars open all night during hunting season....

we find a laundromat...right next to a well lit bar.....i went into the laundry..
and hub into the bar......had just finished putting all the wet stuff into

the dryer...when hub came back..lookin' kinda' ashen.....

he told us it was only 10 o'clock...and we still had HOURS till morning..!!!

i thought he was just tormenting my bro...he loves to torment my bro....
so i played along....

"oH! yeah!" says i...."look at the placement of the clouds...
should have noticed it before....oh yeah....10...definately 10...."

the horror on my bro's face was escalating....so i decided to let
him in on it.....i elbowed hub...and told him...."now let's not do
this to Herm....lookit' him...he is gonna' lose it in a minute...
so tell us...what time is it really?"......

and i really looked at him.....and i knew.....

"HOME!! I WANNNA' GO HOME!!!"....who was that? was that me?
sounded sorta' like me..only high pitched a more of a squeel really.....
i looked at bro....it wasn't him......."HOME!!! I WANT TO GOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOME!"
.....yeppers! it was me.....and i thought hub was gonna' slap me...
only he had they really strange look about him toooooo........

decision time.......what to do? do we go back to the mountain?
brave the torrential rain and sickly truck? that was hubs vote yanno'..
hub won.....we climbed back into the truck...it started first time....
and drove to the restaurant....got a bite...and back into the truck.....
which i should mention...started right away.....looked like things were
back on track...so...a shocky brother...a near hysterical greenpeacer..
and a great white hunter made their way back up the mountain....rain still
pouring.....but much dryer inside the truck......which btw...is exactly
where we all three slept..... when i woke up the next morning....there still wasn't any sun...
the rain was still falling....and the tent? oh! Lord! the tent...what can i say about
that?....it was still standing....but in the middle of a...you guessed it......
a now very active creek bed.....

i tenderly wade into the creek...to peek into the tent.....
water up to my knees.....i drag out the clothing....the cooler....
anything that is left usable....and haul it to the truck...
i know trying to sleep again in the tent is a lost cause.....
unless of course i grow fins, scales and gills.....

another night in the truck is not high on my list of romantic adventures...
but then again...what else is there to do?....

the boys are out hunting....braving the downpour.....but i am not
worried about the cute and fluffy animals..i know that even the deer
are smart enough to find shelter in this horrendous weather......
i am snuggled down dry in the truck....reading....somewhat content
in the dry but confined spaces when i see two very wet....very dejected
hunters trudging back into the campsite......must be hungry i am bettin'.....
wonder how they feel about pureed everything?.....

they jump in the truck....and i of course bitch a bit...i mean afterall...
i am dry...comfy...content...and they are wet....spreading their...
wetness all over my nice dry environment.....ARGHHHHHHH!....
i pulled the sleeping bag up around my neck.....in an effort
to keep their....~*cooties...off me.......

hungry...yes the boys were hungry.......so back to town we go.......
except....

the truck won't start....AGAIN! a replay of my worst nightmare.....
and once again....we push...pop...push...pop....and finally...
FINALLY role into town.....

i had the travel lodge spotted a mile away......and i knew....
KNEW they had warm DRY beds...a shower...and...ummmmm.....food
that wasn't waterlogged......

it only took a bit of hyterics to convince hub that it was in his
best interest to get me a room there.....some mention of eunuchs...
having to sit to go pee....and he was more than happy to get me that room....
~*smilies.....bro was more than happy as well......he got his own room......

hub took the demon truck to the garage to have it exorcised...seems
the water had gotten more that tent...the food...the clothes...
the sleeping bags....and us.....it had also somehow gotten into the
gas tank....the high priest of the garage removed 3 gallons of water from
that gas tank...and miracle of miracles....it was !!HeaLeD! of the
demons possessing it!.....
bro and hub went back up the mountain...i of course refused that
last little adventure.....they gathered all the camping gear...
braved the creek to rescue the tent.....while i luxuriated in the
warmth of the travel lodge......

now....whenever he mentions camping...i just smile....and ask....

"umm honey, is there a holiday inn close to where you wanna' go?".......

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