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-------------------------------- Jackpot A man walks into a bar, and behind the bar he sees a huge pegboard with hundreds of 100 dollar bills attached to it. He walks up to the bartender and says, "Gee, that must be a helluva lot of money. Why is it there?" "Well, that's our jackpot," the bartender replies. "But so far nobody has managed to win it." "What do I have to do?" "Well, first you have to pay 100 bucks. Than you have to brave three challenges." "And what might they be?" "Okay, see that seven-foot muscle man at the door? First you have to knock him out. Then go behind the building. There you'll find a pit bull terrier with a bad tooth. Pull out the tooth! Then come back and go upstairs. First door on the left. There's a 350-pound woman in there. She's very old and very ugly. Fuck her and you win the jackpot." "Okay, I'll give it a shot," says the man. So he walks over to the muscle man at the front door and says, "Hey, since when did you guys start showing porno flicks on the ceiling?" The muscle man looks up, and the man beans him with a beer bottle. Knocks him out. "Not bad, the bartender says. And now the dog." The man walks out the door. All of a sudden there's barking, shouts, garbage countainers cracking. Twenty minutes later the man comes back, covered all over with blood, his shirt ragged, his pants down. "Alright, now where is this woman with the bad tooth?" --------------------------------- Joan, A Rather Well-Proportioned & Near-Sighted Secretary Joan, a rather well-proportioned & near-sighted secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first few days, but always removed her glasses for an even facial tan. After several days she decided that no one could see her way up there, so she slipped out of her suit for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you have for the past week." "What difference does it make?" Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight!" ----------------------------------
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