2RockU.com
2RockU.com ROCKS!


Welcome To FunniGurl.com
These are some of the "R" jokes
I have hanging around on my hard drive...
I hope you enjoy em as much as I do bringing them to you...




E-Mail this Joke to a friend!


---------------------------------- Reasons To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often: 1. We will wake the kids................................54 times 2. It's too late........................................15 times 3. I'm too tired........................................42 times 4. It's too early.......................................12 times 5. It's too hot.........................................18 times 6. Pretending to be asleep..............................31 times 7. The neighbors will hear................................9 times 8. Headache or backache.................................26 times 9. Sunburn..............................................10 times 10. Your mother will hear us..............................9 times 11. Not in the mood......................................21 times 12. Watching the late show...............................17 times 13. Too sore..............................................26 times 14. New hairdo............................................6 times 15. Wrong time of the month..............................14 times 16. You had to go to the bathroom........................19 times Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we?? Love, Your Hubby ============================================================= > To My Dearest Husband, I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year: 1. Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat..............23 times 2. Did not come home at all................................36 times 3. Did not come............................................21 times 4. Came too soon...........................................38 times 5. Went soft before you got it in..........................19 times 6. Cramps in your leg......................................16 times 7. Working too late........................................33 times 8. You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat.............29 times 9. Caught yourself in your zipper...........................15 times 10. You had a cold and your nose kept running...............21 times 11. You had burned your tongue on hot coffee.................9 times 12. You had a splinter in your finger.......................11 times 13. You lost the notion after thinking about it.............42 times 14. Came in your pj's after reading a dirty book............16 times The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time , I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling-what I said was "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?" Love, Your Wife --------------------------------- Rejection Lines Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...) 10 I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing geek in "Deliverance.") 9 There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.) 8 I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've ever laid eyes upon.) 7 My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the hole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.) 6 I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben and Jerry's). 5 I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.) 4 It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.) 3 I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.) 2 I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.) 1 Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with . It's that male perspective thing) Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...) 10 I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.) 9 There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.) 8 I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.) 7 My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.) 6 I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.) 5 I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.) 4 It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.) 3 I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.) 2 I'm celibate. (You're ugly.) and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means) 1 Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.) -----------------------------------


Back to FunniGurl
 Or Back to Misc Jokes 

Copyright FunniGurl.com tm 1999 - 2012 and beyond 
No part of this site maybe copied or reproduced by any means
(except the jokes) All rights are reserved.

This is just a hit tracker
Please visit our sponsor..
<IMG SRC="http://www.2rocku.com/bannerads/411.gif" WIDTH=150 HEIGHT=150 usemap="#411" BORDER=0>