Welcome To FunniGurl.com
These are some of the "R" jokes I have hanging around on my hard drive...
I hope you enjoy em as much as I do bringing them to you...
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Reasons
To My Dearest Wife,
During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10
days.
The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often:
1. We will wake the kids................................54 times
2. It's too late........................................15 times
3. I'm too tired........................................42 times
4. It's too early.......................................12 times
5. It's too hot.........................................18 times
6. Pretending to be asleep..............................31 times
7. The neighbors will hear................................9 times
8. Headache or backache.................................26 times
9. Sunburn..............................................10 times
10. Your mother will hear us..............................9 times
11. Not in the mood......................................21 times
12. Watching the late show...............................17 times
13. Too sore..............................................26 times
14. New hairdo............................................6 times
15. Wrong time of the month..............................14 times
16. You had to go to the bathroom........................19 times
Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying
because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there
was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it
over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and
once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing
around and breathing heavy.
Let's try to improve this, shall we??
Love, Your Hubby
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To My Dearest Husband,
I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you
didn't get more than you did this past year:
1. Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat..............23 times
2. Did not come home at all................................36 times
3. Did not come............................................21 times
4. Came too soon...........................................38 times
5. Went soft before you got it in..........................19 times
6. Cramps in your leg......................................16 times
7. Working too late........................................33 times
8. You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat.............29 times
9. Caught yourself in your zipper...........................15 times
10. You had a cold and your nose kept running...............21 times
11. You had burned your tongue on hot coffee.................9 times
12. You had a splinter in your finger.......................11 times
13. You lost the notion after thinking about it.............42 times
14. Came in your pj's after reading a dirty book............16 times
The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing
the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time , I didn't want to move
and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the
ceiling-what I said was "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The
time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was
fighting for air.
Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?"
Love, Your Wife
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Rejection Lines
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Women (and what they actually mean...)
10 I think of you as a brother. (You remind me of that inbred banjo-playing
geek in "Deliverance.")
9 There's a slight difference in our ages. (You are one jurassic geezer.)
8 I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You are the ugliest dork I've
ever laid eyes upon.)
7 My life is too complicated right now. (I don't want you spending the
hole night or else you may hear phone calls from all the other guys I'm seeing.)
6 I've got a boyfriend (who's really my male cat and a half gallon of Ben
and Jerry's).
5 I don't date men where I work. (Hey, bud, I wouldn't even date you if you
were in the same 'solar system', much less the same building.)
4 It's not you, it's me. (It's not me, it's you.)
3 I'm concentrating on my career. (Even something as boring and
unfulfilling as my job is better than dating you.)
2 I'm celibate. (I've sworn off only the men like you.)
1 Let's be friends. (I want you to stay around so I can tell you in
excruciating detail about all the other men I meet and have sex with
. It's that male perspective thing)
Top 10 Rejection Lines Given By Men (and what they actually mean...)
10 I think of you as a sister. (You're ugly.)
9 There's a slight difference in our ages. (You're ugly.)
8 I'm not attracted to you in 'that' way. (You're ugly.)
7 My life is too complicated right now. (You're ugly.)
6 I've got a girlfriend. (You're ugly.)
5 I don't date women where I work. (You're ugly.)
4 It's not you, it's me. (You're ugly.)
3 I'm concentrating on my career. (You're ugly.)
2 I'm celibate. (You're ugly.)
and the number 1 rejection line given by men (and what it actually means)
1 Let's be friends. (You're sinfully ugly.)
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