| THE GHOST SHIT - The kind where you feel shit come out,
see shit on the toilet paper, but there's no shit in the bowl. |
The
Shit List
|
THE CLEAN SHIT - The kind where you feel shit come out,
see shit in the bowl, but there's no shit on the toilet paper. |
| THE SECOND WAVE SHIT - This shit happens when you've
finished, your pants are up to your knees, and you suddenly realize you
have to shit some more. |
THE BRAIN HEMORRHAGE THROUGH YOUR NOSE SHIT - A.K.A.
"Pop a Vein in your Forehead Shit". You have to strain so much to get it
out that you turn purple and practically have a stroke. |
THE CORN SHIT - No explanation necessary.
THE MEXICAN FOOD SHIT - A class all its own.
PREMEDITATED SHIT - Laxative induced. Doesn't count. |
| THE LINCOLN LOG SHIT - The kind of shit that's so enormous
you're afraid to flush it down without first breaking it up into little
pieces with the toilet brush. |
THE NOTORIOUS DRINKER SHIT - The kind of shit you have
the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait
is the tread mark left on the bottom of the toilet bowl after you
flush. |
THE "GEE, I REALLY WISH I COULD SHIT" SHIT - The kind
where you want to shit, but even after straining your guts out all you
can do is sit on the toilet, cramped and farting. |
| THE WET CHEEKS SHIT - Also known as the "Power Dump".
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt
cheeks get splashed with the toilet water. |
THE WET CHEEKS SHIT - Also known as the "Power Dump".
That's the kind that comes out of your ass so fast that your butt cheeks
get splashed with the toilet water. |
THE LIQUID SHIT - That's the kind where yellowish-brown
liquid shoots out of your butt, splashes all over the side of the toilet
bowl and, at the same time, chronically burns your tender poop-chute. |
| THE CROWD PLEASER - This shit is so intriguing in size
and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. |
THE MOOD ENHANCER - This shit occurs after a lengthy
period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. |
THE RITUAL - This shit occurs at the same time each day
and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper. |
| THE GUINNESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHIT - A shit so noteworthy
it should be recorded for future generations. |
THE AFTERSHOCK SHIT - This shit has an odor so
powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours
is affected. |
THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHIT - This is any shit created
in the presence of another person. |
| THE POWER DUMP SHIT - The kind that comes out so fast,
you barely get your pants down when you're done. |
THE PHANTOM SHIT - This appears in the toilet mysteriously
and no one will admit to putting it there. |
THE SNAKE CHARMER - A long skinny shit which has managed
to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless. |
| THE RANGER - A shit which refuses to let go. It
is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite
often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet
paper. |
THE BOMBSHELL - A shit that comes as a complete surprise
at a time that is either inappropriate to shit (i.e.. during lovemaking or
a root canal) or you are nowhere near shitting facilities. |
THE OLYMPIC SHIT - This shit occurs exactly one hour
prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and
bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shit. |
| THE PEEK-A-BOO SHIT - Now you see it, now you don't.
This shit is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control. |
THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHIT - This shit may be of any variety
but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the
passenger side of your car. |
THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHIT - An adorable collection
of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T
shit. |
| SHITZOPHERENIA - Fear of shitting - can be fatal! |
ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHIT - A.K.A. "Still Going" shit. |
THE GROANER - A shit so huge it cannot exit without vocal
assistance. |
| THE "YOU'VE GOT SHIT ON YOUR SHOES, YOU SHIT SHOE BASTARD"
SHIT - No explanation required. |
THE FLOATER - Characterized by its floatability, this
shit has been known to resurface after many flushings. |
LIQUID PLUMBER SHIT - This kind of shit is so big it
plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor |
| THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHIT - When the
bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your
rectum on the way out in the morning |
SPINAL TAP SHIT - The kind of shit that hurts so much
coming out, you'd swear it's got to be coming out sideways. |
THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHIT - When you
drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny
splashing sounds when they hit the water. |
| THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY ASSHOLE" SHIT
- Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spinal Tap Shits. The shape and size
of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in
the rectum for some time afterwards. |
THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHIT - Also sometimes
referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous
bathroom odor. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the
show as they run out gaggin' and gasping for air. |
THE "I JUST KNOW THERE'S A TURN STILL DANGLING THERE"
SHIT - Where you just sit there patiently and wait for the last cling-on
to drop off because if you wipe now, it's going to smear all over the place. |
| THE PORRIDGE SHIT - The type that comes out like toothpaste,
and just keeps on coming. You have two choices: (a) flush and keep gong,
or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. |
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you by FunniGurl.com
|
THE WET SHIT - You wipe your ass fifty times and it still
feels unwiped. So you end up putting toilet paper between your ass and
your underwear so you don't ruin them with those dreadful skid marks. |
