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These are some of the "V" jokes I have hanging around on my hard drive...
I hope you enjoy em as much as I do bringing them to you...
Virgin
There's this couple and they've been dating for quite some time. He
wants her really bad, but she won't sleep with him because she's
saving herself for marriage. As they were kissing, and doing their
thing, he's very hot and bothered, and he said, "Oh come on, just a
feel" She said, "no, I'm saving myself for marriage." They went back
and forth. He said, "Just one feel, I promise, that's all, just one
feel."
She finally agreed, "Okay, just one feel, but that's all, just one,
I'm saving myself for marriage." So he puts his hand down her panties
and takes a little feel. Things are getting a lot warmer and he asks,
"Can't we please?" She of course states, "NO, I'm saving myself for
marriage." He says, "Please, please?" and she says, "No, absolutely
not, I'm saving myself for marriage." He says, "How about if I
agree to only just put the tip in?" She says, "No way, I'm saving
myself for marriage."
He begs and pleads with her, "I promise, just the tip, no more,and
we'll stop after that." She finally gives in, "Okay, but just the
tip, no more, and that's all." He says okay and pulls down her
panties and puts the tip in... he so hot and ready that he can't
control himself( typical man, eh girls??) shoves it the whole way in
and starts going to town... she meanwhile is moaning and groaning and
shouts, "OKAY, GO AHEAD, PUT IT THE WHOLE WAY IN!"
A little stunned, he says, "NO, absolutely not, a deals a deal!"
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VooDoo Dick
There was this businessman who was getting ready to go on a long
business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd
try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he
didn't much like the idea of her screwing someone else. (For joke purposes,
let's ignore what he might do while on his trip) So he went to a store
that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized
sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him.
He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to
please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the Counter. He
explained his situation. The old man said, "Well, I don't really know
of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special
attachments, and so on, but I don't know of anything that will keep her
occupied for weeks, except - " and he stopped.
"Except what?" the man asked.
"Nothing, nothing."
"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"
"Well, sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the 'voodoo dick.'"
"So what's up with this voodoo dick?" he asked.
The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden
box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very
ordinary-looking dildo. The businessman laughed, and said "Big fucking
deal. It looks like every other dildo in this shop!" The old man
replied,
"But you haven't seen what it'll do yet." He pointed to a door and said
"Voodoo dick, the door." The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over
to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with
the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle.
Before the door could split, the old man said "Voodoo dick, get back in
your box!" The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay
there, quiescent once more.
"I'll take it!" said the businessman.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally
surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her
it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say
"Voodoo dick, my pussy." He left for his trip satisfied that things would
be fine while he was gone.
After he'd been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She
thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she
remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said "Voodoo dick, my
pussy!" The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was
great, like nothing she'd ever experienced before. After three orgasms,
she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck
in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing
worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she
decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her
clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering
with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her
swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for
her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping and
twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a voodoo
dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.
The officer looked at her for a second, and then said "Yea, right.
Voodoo dick, my ass!"
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