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These are some of the "Virus Warning" joke
I have hanging around on my hard drive...
I hope you enjoy em as much as I do bringing them to you...




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Virus Warning. If you receive an email entitled "Badtimes," delete it immediately. Do not open it. Apparently this one is pretty nasty. It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR and uses subspace field harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. It will program your phone auto dial to call only 1-900 sex line numbers. This virus will mix antifreeze into your fish tank. It will drink all your beer. If you live at home, it will tell your Mum where you hide your porno mags. It will leave dirty socks on the coffee table when you are expecting company. It will replace your shampoo with Nair and your Nair with Regaine, all while dating your current boy/girlfriend behind your back and billing their hotel rendezvous to your Visa card. It will cause you to run with scissors and throw things in a way that is only fun until someone loses an eye. It will rewrite your backup files, changing all your active verbs to passive voice and incorporating undetectable misspellings which grossly change the interpretations of key sentences. If the "Badtimes" message is opened in a Windows 95/98 environment, it will leave the toilet seat up and leave your hair dryer plugged in dangerously close to a full bathtub. It will not only remove the forbidden tags from your mattresses and pillows, but it will also refill your skim milk with whole milk. It will molecularly rearrange your cologne or perfume, causing it to smell like dill pickles. It will install itself into your cistern and lie in wait until someone does a serious number 2, then block the s-bend and cause your toilet to overflow. PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!


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